WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOUR MARRIAGE NEXT 10YEARS...Danger looms

You May Be Destroying Your Marriage-IS THERE A FUTURE FOR YOUR MARRIAGE IN THE NEXT 10 YEARS

Have you asked yourself this question? What will happen to my marriage in the next 10years? Your parents cannot solve for you. Not your Pastor, counsellor or friend. Not even your children. Reason up. The rate at which marriages are breaking up is very alarming. Many are also crowded in our churches, at prayer camps, at prophetic meetings and even tonight as we enter the year 2019 with marriage prayer requests desperately for husbands and wives.

Same way, good marriages are falling apart because of several reasons from finances, childlessness, impotence, carriers, lack of understanding, inlaw intrusions etc. I will want to share with us especially the married, some of the ways we may be destroying our marriages which might not survive the marriage in the next 10years.  How does a once good marriage fall apart? A big question indeed.

A good marriage doesn’t deteriorate overnight. It diminishes gradually. Many times couples destroy their own marriages, some intentional others unintentional but before they wake up from their sleep, everything has fallen apart. In fact when it happens like that, the devil is mostly happy.

Let me share with you a few of the causes even as we prepare to enter the new year 2019 so we can really make new resolutions and commitments to work on our marriages. Note that to be successful in marriage is not cheap and easy but demands the effort of those involved that is the husband and wife.

Let share a few scriptures with us first concerning God plan for a successful marriage.

Genesis 2:24-25 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed".

Eph 5:22-31" Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."

With these Biblical texts, the some of the things you might be doing to destroy your marriage are;

1. Fellowshipping as a couple.

For the marriage to be strongly bonded together, we must have frequent fellowship together, praying and studying the word together. Most partners in marriage don't like to participate in this kind of fellowship. Either one sees him or herself as not prepared or there is an unresolved misunderstanding or one seems highly religious than the other. The institution is to help each other accomplish the God-given purpose on earth. The strong must help the weak. Some will either prefer to pray alone and study the Bible alone. That is one great sign of a gradually deteriorating marriage. God never established this institution of marriage as a one-man institution but an institution of two people becoming one. Anything short of that is disastrous to the future of the marriage. If you are the one who do not want to join your partner to fellowship, repent now because danger looms. The more you fellowship, the better you cleave together. It tightens the bond.

2. Other Interests Come Between You.

Typical dangerous scenario: The couple hasn’t been communicating well, life is stressed, and suddenly a friendly voice or a pretty smile says an affirming word at the office. Happens every day. Many relationships are suffering because priorities have changed. It could be a relationship even good relationships like children, parents or other friends or a hobby, or work, but something gets a higher priority than the marriage. The attention you used to give to your partner before the children came has reduced or even stopped. You now almost always talking with your parents, visiting them very frequently neglecting the gift God gave you to nurture which is your partner in marriage. There was probably once a time when the two of you could “take on the world.” Nothing could come between you. You were inseparable. But, other things began to grab one or both of your attention slowly, over time. Outside distractions will destroy a good marriage.You used to attend church programs together, you used to eat together but all these have stopped because of work or children. My friend, danger looms. Do you see yourself together in the next ten years or more? Reason up my dear.Are there distractions coming between you and your marriage? Take care of them before they take care of you.

3. Financial Management

This is undoubtedly one of the big problems in marriages. The Bible gives a clue as to how finances should be managed in marriage though not deep. Let me stress here that there is no biblical bases for the word "AKONHOMA" in the Ghanaian parlance meaning money the man must daily give in the home whether the woman works or not, the man must provide daily while the wife uses her income for what she deems fit. If it happens that the woman is a good christian, then she might give a little to support the home. The word of God in Gen.2:25b states that "...And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed". In the marriage, there must be transparency in all our dealings which includes our financial life, our bank account details, your gross and net salary or income etc. Nakedness by extension in Gen 2:25 means transparency in all things. 

If partners are financially opened to each other, they can make prudent plans concerning their finances which really takes financial stress away from the man or the woman or both. That primitive financial management scheme must be taken out. If both partners work, the money is called "OUR" money not "MY" money. It belongs to us hence, we must bring it together and make plans for the home, children, rent  etc. In this case, whether the woman gets a higher income than the man or vice versa, it is insignificant. It makes the relationship healthy. The wife however must give the respect to the husband as the head of the family. The man should also not be a bully but a prudent and God fearing manager of these resources. The couples must sit to make decisions about their finances. Even gifts of money from parents, friends even extra income from work must be made known to the other partner. Secrecy in marriage kills the marriage slowly. Trust is however lost.

Depending on the net income that comes to the home, we must plan accordingly. Never depend on loans to survive. Use what you have not what you dont have. Manage what you have. Don't allow the standard of living of other couples to influence your standard of living. Example, you dont buy dresses when you have a few and have nothing to eat. It surprises me to see that, the rich rather wears few dresses meaning they have a few but the poor will rather prefer to buy alot of dresses to proof a point and live rich while they go hungry and look for financial support to survive.That is rather a foolish decision. The liitle wears you have, keep them neat and wear, it is best than wearing expensive dresses but hungry.

Are you managing your finances well? Are you been transparent in with your finances? 10years from now do you see an improvement or a collapse of your marriage because of your finances?

4. There’s Unresolved Conflict.

Every couple is different. Every marriage is different with different individuals. Never compare your marriage with any other marriage.You are peculiar. I have found out that, the partner you married will never be the same partner you were dating. The reason being that, in the marriage, there are going to be fresh discoveries. Some may shock you while others may comfort you. Some pretended while dating and so you didnt see the fullness of character. Dont giveup. That is the partner God gave you. It might be the wrong choice by human standard but in the sight of God, you both are a perfect match created for each other. In the marriage relationship,there may be one who little things bother and one nothing seems to phase. How toothpaste are pressed could be a big problem to some. How food is served could be another. Leaving clothes on the floor can prove to be a major problem if never addressed. And, there are all kinds of combinations in between. But, when conflict develops at some point it must be addressed. Hidden pain never disappears on its own.

In some marriages, some partners decide to either punish the other by keeping mute on an issue without voicing it out. How then will you expert your partner to know that there is a problem. You no longer treat your partner well, your dont smile to your partner, no more kisses and good sex thinking that with all these your other partner will realise the problem. Mostly they dont. Open up and treat the matter

Conflicts left unattended sometimes sits like it never existed. But, oh it did. And, it does. Someone is holding on to it. Trust me. And, the longer it sits the deeper the wedge it causes. Someone reading this may be allowing an injury from years ago to continue to haunt you. Your spouse may not even know the hurt is still there. Talk about it and let go. Forgive each other and move on. Let this be done before you enter the year 2019.

5. Poor sexual lives

Sex is one of the key things in marriage that must never be underestimated. It is what ties the soul of the couples together. It is not a sin inside marriage.When your sexual lives are coming down or no more interesting, it is a sign that your marriage is gradually deteriorating. Make a frantic decision to work on it before it works on you. Most marriages are suffering from unfaithfulness because the partners are not getting sex or sexual satisfaction.Can you imagine that a couple can stay for two months without sex not even a kiss. Disaster!! Even a week or two is disastrous. Others don't also make sex interesting.It becomes one way with no appetite. When the desire for sex always comes from one side it becomes boring. Other aggressively interesting and demonic men and women are waiting to lay ambush on what you are rejecting, your partner. Any partner that denies or starve the partner of sex is equal to a murderer. Never use sex as a punishment for your partner. You might think you are doing harm to your partner by denying him or her of sex but the truth is happy and making his plans. He came to steal, kill and destroy. Many couples are staying together but cannot look their partners in the eye passionately because what bonds them together is no more practiced. Some couples even see their partners as strangers and enjoy the company of others outside though not necessarily to have sex. Kiss your partner almost every day. Hug daily. When was the last time you passionately told your partner, "I LOVE YOU"? Are you at fault? Wake up to reality

6. The Couple Stops Dreaming Together.

When a couple is dating they have lots of dreams together. They discuss their future. They dream about where they will live and travel. They dream about family and adventure. It’s an energy which fuels the relationship. When it stops, the fuel it brought stops.
Most times, we get so distracted with life stuff like the kids, work, paying the bills, rent etc. It becomes all we have to talk about anymore. Those things we once dreamt about are replaced with current demands. This is natural, but it can de-fuel a marriage.When is the last time you spent time talking about the future as a couple? When was the last time you took some time off just to go on a marriage vacation to tourist sites? What happened to all you said concerning your future before you got married? What is going to happen t your marriage in the next 10YEARS? Arise!!!

7. BOREDOM.


I’ve long said this is one of the leading causes of marriages unraveling. Couples quit dating, quit laughing, quit having fun together. They get caught in the routines and busyness of life. Boredom sets in and the closeness they once shared begins to drift. The enemy loves this and suddenly one or both spouses seek excitement elsewhere. Dangerous.

Do you remember when you once couldn’t wait to see your spouse again? You were newly involved and they were the first person you thought about in the morning and the last person at night? What was it about them which captured your attention about them? Chances are it’s still there but you simply haven’t noticed in a while.When is the last time you belly laughed with your spouse? When was the last time you remember the marriage being “fun”?

8. The Couple Lives Separate Agenda.

It’s OK to have separate identities. It’s OK to have separate interests. I would even encourage it. It keeps things interesting. But, it’s not OK to have separate agenda. The agenda of a marriage should be one. When this is not happening, the strength of the marriage will slowly or quickly fade.  How can couples begin to build separate houses ? That is separation in disguise. Very soon when they are left alone, because they didnt work on their marriage, to joy no more exist therefore they are not divorce by law but separated. Each staying in their own houses or even in their family house. That looks like the end of that marriage. Is it time to get back on the same page with each other? We have found sometimes (many times) we need to set aside time just the two of us to reconnect and get realigned with where we are as a couple and where we are going.

I pray that as the year comes to an end today, we shall all work on our marriages, commit to our marriages and re-confess our love for each other. I pray that the Lord pours fresh fire on all marriages. In this year 2019, the childless shall give birth, the poor shall be rich, the jobless shall be with a lucrative job, the sick are healed in the name of Jesus Christ. I command all plans of the enemy to cause confusion to burn by fire in the name Jesus Christ. Amen
I remain indepted to Churchleaders.com

BY APOSTLE ELIKEM JOSHUA AVOTRI
OVERSEER, LOVEFIELDS CHRISTIAN CHAPEL, AHINSAN-KUMASI, GHANA